McDuck Declares Madoff-Related Bankruptcy

Duckburg, Calisota
Thursday, Jan. 1, 2009
SPECIAL TO ISN'T LIFE TERRIBLE

If you're trying to gain a sense of the massive losses incurred as a result of the massive Madoff Ponzi scheme, try this on for size: three cubic acres of money (approximately five billion quntuplatillion umptuplatillion multuplatillion impossibidillion fantasticatrillion dollars), a cash reserve once so liquid that one could "dive around in it like a porpoise," has dried up over a course of mere days as Scrooge McDuck worked to keep cash flowing to shore up his failing empire of uncountable oil wells, gold mines, railroads, factories and fish houses.

The vast Scrooge fortune dates back to the late 1800's and was made on the seas, and in the mines, and in the cattle wars of the old frontier. "I made it by being tougher than the toughies and smarter than the smarties, and I made it square," according to a word balloon positioned over the scowling face of Scrooge McDuck. The McDuck fortune has been imperiled many times in the past, including multiple hostile takeover attempts by Beagle Brothers Holdings LLC. "Hats off to Madoff," says 176-831, adding, " I hope Bernie likes prunes for breakfast."

Scrooge deflected questions about the spcifics of his loss. "I'm ruined. I'm only a poor old man," stated the fowl, leading many to wonder if Scrooge's mental capacity had diminished.