Isn't Life Terrible

Well... they think it was the gum. [Pause] No, Ma, gum. [Pause] G-U-M, Not G-U-N. Gum. [Pause]

Well, they're telling me it contains uranium at about the same level... Ma, would you listen? [Pause]

Why would I make this up? There's Uranium in the gum, and also radium. Radium. The stuff that makes the clock glow? [Pause] Yeah. [Pause] Yeah. [Pause]

What they're... [Pause] Ma, wouldja let me finish? [Pause] Yeah. What they're telling me is it's about the same level where if they find it in the ground, they'd have to do a clean-up. [Pause] No. And Ma... do you happen to remember that... it was like a chemistry kit you gave me?

Well, they're saying that probably didn't help either. [Pause] The guys dressed in... like the... like the Space doctors that break into the house when E.T. dies? [Pause] Yeah. Yeah. Like that. It's a little hard to hear them. [Pause] No! I'm... I'm fine! [Pause] No. Fine. Mom, I gotta ask you these questions, OK? Just so I can get out of here. Open the cupboard and get out one of the red plates. [Pause] Just do it, mom.

Does it say "Fiesta Ware" on the bottom? It does? Hang on a sec, mom.

[Off Phone a bit] Yeah, she says it's the kind with the uranium. [Pause] You think she knew you could make atom bombs with it? She liked the color! Yeah. Yeah. Hang on.

[Back on Phone] Mom, did you put the plate down? [Pause] Never mind why, just put the plate down, is all. [Pause] OK, OK, Ma... Ma... I want you to go to the bathroom. No, no, no... just to look. Just to look is all. Are you on the cordless? [Pause] Well, just walk right in there. [Pause]

OK, Ma, describe the tile to me. [Pause] Yeah, I know it's clean. [Pause] They want to know if it's a hexagon. [Pause] A hexagon. [Pause] I'll ask them. [Pause] A six-sided regular polygon where all the angles add up to 720 degrees. [Pause] I can't put him on, Ma, his head is inside this huge plastic thing. Hang on, what? [Pause] They want to know, is it green. [Pause] I said I thought yes. [Pause] Avocado? Avocado is green, right? [Pause] [Off phone a bit] Yeah, green heaxgons. [Back on phone] Mom, get out of the bathroom. [Pause] Just get out of the bathroom and close the door. Hang on, Ma.

[Off phone a bit] What? I... yeah, every so often, I guess... just for the articles, really. Why? Why do you ask? [Pause]

Really. Really!

Glossy paper, huh? I never knew that.

Tooth marks? On the ma... [Pause] oh, on the... [Pause] Yeah, that's my pencil. [Pause] Right. Right.Those? No, I just like the taste. [Pause] [Back on phone] Ma? [Pause] Yeah, gotta go. Don't wait up... I may be a while.